Guest Blog : Almost the end of Q1
Guest Blog : Almost the end of Q1
March – almost the end of Q1 2021 – still keeping to your resolutions?
At one second past midnight on January 1 2021, the day changed from Thursday to Friday, usually an insignificant change.
But the change which ends one year and begins the next is different. It prompts us to reflect, look back, take stock, assess how we did, and resolve to do better.
But what about those resolutions? New Year’s resolutions are examples of the universal human desire to have some control over what lies ahead, because the future is unsettlingly unknowable, especially after 2020.
To counter that worrisome powerlessness, we do things to take control. We resolve to diet and exercise, to quit smoking, to drink less and to start saving. Committing to resolutions, at least for a moment, gives us a feeling of more control over the uncertain days to come.
But how often do we make resolutions in the fervour of a New Year, only to abandon them in the cold light of reality, hard work and cravings? How many people are still sticking to the resolutions that they made in all good faith in January?
If dieting and exercise are difficult, how much harder is it to plan for the scariest thing the future holds, the only sure thing that lies ahead, the inescapable reality that you will someday die?
This is not about financial planning, and saving to pay for a funeral as all those endless TV adverts tell you to do…and while we’re on that subject, it’s better to put it aside and earn some interest for you than put it into a funeral plan to earn interest for others.
Some people say that funerals are for the living and not the dead, that you should do your best to make the mourners feel comfortable, to give them “closure.”
That’s great if your family know what you want. So many of the families that I work with spend hours struggling to make decisions. So often I hear “What did they want?” closely followed by “We don’t know anything about XYZ, they never talked about it.”
Families are usually desperate to get everything right and knowing what you wanted, set out clearly, and having talked to them, can reassure them that yes, you can have a natural burial with a wicker coffin, you can have someone dressed as the grim reaper or you can dance in the crem.
This is about content – a life story, things that were loved, things held with pride, personal philosophies & beliefs, specific music choices, and how someone would like to be remembered.
It’s about Christmas in April, an elderly cat in a carrier sitting contentedly on the coffin of its late owner, toasting the deceased in a small glass of something at the end of the service. It’s about prayers and hymns, or silly balloons and rainbow colours.
What is correct for one, is totally inappropriate for another. Funerals can be as religious or as outrageous as you wish; a church, a burial in a graveyard or a natural woodland, a cremation, a gathering round the coffin in a pub – all are acceptable as long as they are right for your family – that is the only measure.
Celebrants are always available to work with a family and pre-plan content for a service.
Planning is the best gift that anyone can give their family – the gift of certainty, which means that choices are made secure in the knowledge that they are doing the right thing. If you are going to make any resolutions this year (even though it’s not January), resolve to start talking to each other about your wishes.
The message is that planning is nothing to be scared of and talking about death doesn’t kill you.
